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Pamela Nicole Dukes

in Family, Inspiration, Lifestyle

Their Abilities v/s Your Expectations

Without even trying expectations are placed on people that they may not be able to satisfy.  There is this notion that people ought know certain things and for this reason many individuals are left disappointed.  The one term that really aggravates me is “common sense”. But common sense for who, by who and according to who.  Truth be told common sense differs for many reasons (culture, class, religion, race etc.). Your “common sense” may not be that of your child, friend, spouse, lover etc. and vice versa.  If common sense was so very common when a person applied for and secured a job he or she wouldn’t need a job description. I applied for a job as a person, I understand what a janitor does so common sense should tell me I’m suppose to clean

If one never communicates what he or she expects unfortunately the expectations are empty and unhealthy.  Empty because this gives the argument “how was I suppose to know you expected that”. Unhealthy because if someone doesn’t satisfy your “expectation” it could cause you unnecessary stress.

Here are three things to consider doing when setting expectations that could be viewed as silent:

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in Family, Inspiration, Lifestyle

3 ways Not to Allow Resentment to Become a Silent Happiness Killer

Sometimes I wonder if the reason some people are so favorable to everyone because they support others with no regard for self.  Are you someone who has a habit of trying to accommodate others even when it’s a detriment to your own plans and or schedule? Don’t get me wrong selflessness is a good attribute to have (sometimes).  However, this character trait has the ability to be a double edge sword. If one isn’t careful it is very probable he or she will begin to build resentments.  Below outlines three ways not to allow resentment to build slowly and become a silent killer of your happiness.

  1. Say No. There are times when you would like to be accommodating and quite frankly you must say no. Meeting the needs of everyone in your life and they just so happened not to carry the same trait can build resentments. Have you ever heard the saying “treat others like you want to be treated”? This is a quote that I somewhat I agree and disagree with. Many people don’t share the same kind of character traits. It’s a bad idea to look for identical treatment in return, and those do will ultimately be disappointed.
  2. Communicate your feelings. It’s reasonable to make the decision to “pick your battles”. I would challenge you though, to weigh the possible outcome. Have you ever experienced “trying to keep the peace” and not mention an aggravation you encountered and every time you turn around you continue to have the experience until you go off?  Just when you’ve had enough the other party or parties appear to be oblivious to your irritation. Picking your battles doesn’t call for you to allow people, situations and or dislikes to hold you mentally hostage.  The earlier you communicate your feelings the sooner you can deal with the situation.
  3. Tell yourself yes. Treat yourself to something nice every and then. Depending on your life situation you are obligated to many responsibilities. The thing I’ve found to be a commonality is people tend to drop the ball to their most important responsibility, themselves.  This is not to offer advice to enter into irresponsible behavior. Even if you do something small, for example, getting a manicure once or twice a month or even taking yourself for coffee or lunch. Saying yes to yourself doesn’t mean you have to break the bank.  This practice gives you a sense of satisfaction for all the hard work and good you do.

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in Family, Inspiration, Lifestyle

3 Ways to Activate a Positive State of Mind

In the world of which we live, unfortunately there are countless ways for us to have or enter into a negative emotional state.  Let’s think about this it for a second, even if life is wonderful for you right now, everything is working in your favor and life is looking up negativity can come .  As soon as you get out of bed there is potential for your emotions to be shifted to a negative place.  Imagine this; you decide you want to be dressed for the weather and you turn your local news station on, more than likely you will hear something disturbing.  This is just one of the many ways that negativity organically seeps into our minds.

Check out ways to activate a positive state of mind below.

  • Practice Gratitude. The only way (in my opinion) to open doors for new and bigger opportunities is to be grateful for the ones you already have. This is not to suggest you become comfortable or content with where you are at all. It’s a great thing to have the desire to do more. On the other hand however, one has to be careful not to sit in a seat of ungratefulness just because the desires of your heart are grand

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in Family, Inspiration, Lifestyle, Uncategorized

Your Goals May Be Your Mistakes

I know there are many times in life where we feel we could or should have done some things differently in our lives. Whelp as we all are aware each passing moment is irretrievable. The best thing we can do is move forward with intention.

There is a good saying that I myself should to go by a little more; “if you fail to plan you plan to fail”.  My weekends at times are all over the place because I will plan maybe one event and play the remainder of my weekend by ear.

With this strategy, before I know it the weekend is OVER and I have not achieved even half of what I would’ve like to.  I’m not sure if you can relate but this week (including the weekend) I am goal setting, planning my time and following the regimen, hopefully, you will create your own set of plans to go by.

Here are a few things I’ve learned have the potential to be major setbacks in goal setting and or planning:Continue reading

in Uncategorized

Stop Allowing People to Tell You How to Feel

Social media, newspapers aids, news reporters, paparazzi, family, friends, associates and or enemy’s all have one thing in common, they share information. Now, the position we decide to take after we hear the stories isn’t always our decision.  This is most certainly true if you just so happen to be filled with unstable emotions.  Yup I said it, for every person who proclaims to “not be in their feelings” can often be caught one time or another in their feelings.  Hell this post has the ability to put you in your feelings, hopefully after you take a deeper dive you’ll have been open enough to have learned something. Continue reading

in Inspiration, Uncategorized

3 Key Reasons to Forgive Even Without the Apology You May Never Receive

Most people would agree that when a person has wronged someone he or she should render an apology. This very popular opinion, however, is not always the case.  To be quite frank, many times the offender will never apologize for whatever reason. Consider these reasons as a motivation to forgive even if you never receive an apology.

Forgiveness is not intended to release the offender its purpose is to free the offended. Oftentimes we believe if we forgive we are forgiving the hurtful act.  This is not true, forgiveness in many cases can be used as a tool to regain your mental power in an effort not to be held hostage by the issue.

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in Inspiration

Know the Scent Of Your Own Sh*t

Self-knowledge is one of the most powerful skills to have.  It allows us to have a better grasp on things in life that just happens to be an aggravation for us.  For example: If a person is aware they have a low tolerance level for waiting on someone, they have the information required to redesign their reaction to a friend who is always late.  When hanging out with a habitual late friend one may want to secretly adjust the meeting time with this person.  If the meeting time is scheduled for 10:00 am the prompt person may not want to arrive until 10:15 am.

When you become angry or aggravated about something who do you blame? Do you blame not enough time, the situation or a person who may be involved? To be honest you are to blame. I know, I know, how can someone else “pissing you off or not being respectful of your time” be your fault? Well here’s how….. You are responsible for your own emotions. This is not to say that the actions of others, and or aggravating situations won’t initiate negative emotions.  To be honest, the emotion isn’t the problem; the excess time spent on an issue paired with negative emotional reactions is where the real problem lies.  The antidote is simply knowing the scent of your own sh*t.

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